Updates and Changes

Lately I have been using my hubby’s lap top because it is just so much faster than mine. I am loving being able to play games that I could never ever attempt on my own lap top. To be fair my lap top was bought when I was still in school so it is geared for that not playing games such as WoW. Going back to not using my own lap top, I have a writing program on mine from Microsoft that I love and it is not on hubby’s lap top because hubby does not blog. I went to write an entry the other day and looked all over the computer and could not find this program and of course I was about 2 seconds from freaking when I looked to my left and saw my lap top laying there. My brain of course gave a huge sigh of relief and the entry was forgotten. A lot has been going on here.

First of all we have been going through the eviction process, which included court. It is a pretty short story how we got there, but I do not feel like I can share the whole thing just yet. Once we are gone and moved, I will tell the whole ugly tale and when I do people will be shocked. If not, at least mad. Yeah, that bad. We are in the process of moving now. Packing. Ugh. I hate packing.

With an almost 1 year old child who has no idea what is happening except stuff is being put in boxes and he is afraid that we are leaving him so he is clingy more than usual. We are moving into a better and bigger place and I can not wait. Hubby goes and signs the lease tomorrow as well as faxing some paperwork for us to get help with the deposit. Hopefully that money comes in quick and we can move. We have to be gone from our current place by March 6th at 5 pm. So of course I am having horrible nightmares that will not be accomplished. I know I do have faith, but we are down to the wire here! Now we just need ‘bodies’ to help us move our stuff, but since we do not have a firm date yet it is hard to line that up. Ugh.

Life is crazy for us right now. I am tired because I am not sleeping well at all. So wish us luck and I will not be posting here most likely until we are in our new place and I will post pictures if I can find my elusive battery charger for my camera!

-Ciao!

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One of THOSE Days…

When I woke up today, I was feeling kind of good. Finally a wake up without pain anywhere. I should know to not log into Facebook first thing because of the 100% chance that someone would post something stupid and I would instantly go into my you’re-an-idiot-mode. However, it took me about five minutes to find that first idiotic post and that is a record for me, usually they are right at the top of my time line. Sigh.

I log into the game that I play and was instantly smacked in the face with the one person who I was looking forward to not seeing until tonight on my game. She is holding court in chat. Ugh. Sadly I would love to turn it off or make that little box go away but there is no way for that to happen, which I think needs to change and soon! Mouth (obviously not her real name) is going on and on about something and my brain is not awake enough to figure it out yet, so I am still blissfully unaware of what she is screeching about.

Her and her cronies, tend to get on my nerves because they are kids, albeit, not 10 or 11 but in relation to my age kids. They have verbal sex in chat and think it is okay. Ugh. I can not unread some of the crap they have posted and I wish to God someone would invent brain bleach for this exact purpose. Normally Mouth is in class, as she is in college, but not today. Sigh. People like this make me wonder about our educational system today. I hear stories of people making it to high school not being able to read in some cases. She made it to college with out learning the English language, how is this possible?!?!

No, she is not an English as a second language person, she was born here, but can not make coherent sentences or spell even the most basic words correctly. Which as I will tell you at any time makes my Grammar Nazi go insane. My Grammar Nazi, is this voice inside my head screaming, SHE IS MURDERING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!!!! Usually in the voice of a demon aching to be released to dish out punishment of the most severe type. I tend to keep him under control most days which is a good thing as well, it can get kind of awkward when I release him to roam and he eats the people who murder English. I fear one day I will no longer have anyone to communicate with. So I usually bite my tongue when I am verbally assaulted with text speak and other variations of the English language.

I do not mean to make you think that I am intolerant, this is not the case. I simply want people to actually speak in sentences that I can understand and do not have to spend twenty minutes trying to figure out what you are trying to say to me , I am sorry I left my stupid people decoder ring in my other pajamas. I am tired of feeling old, when in reality I am a thirty-something woman. I feel like I have landed on Mars sometimes. All I ask is for sentences, complete ones please, with the moderate ability to spell. Is that too much to ask? I think it is these days because no one writes anymore. By writes I mean pen to paper, you know long hand… Yes, I will wait while you Google it. Sigh.

I play these games for fun, most of the time it is fun. I sometimes wonder if it is me. If I am the one that is out of place and I have come to the conclusion that I am. I come from a time where being polite is normal, where not showing all you have in public, both literally and figuratively was a good thing. I long for those days again but I am afraid that they have gone the way of the dinosaur.

I thank you for reading my rant and understanding that I too am headed the way of the dinosaur. Before I leave, I wanted to leave you with something that I read on Cappy’s Blog today. ” I honestly heard someone ask someone else why people kept talking about this cereal war. Because Obama is really concerned about chemical weapons in cereal. Tell those Mini Wheats to knock it off!”  This is what our country has become… Think about this for a minute.  I leave you with this final thought, the kid that is talking about the cereal war, he is a leader of tomorrow.

-Ciao

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This photo was made by a friend on my Facebook page, she is very talented with things like this and I have a number of them saved. I will pull some out once in a while to share. Today my 16 year old daughter who up until last weekend has not spoken to me in a long time, shared that she passed a test she had to take today for school. In that small thing, it made my heart sing! She has not told me that she hates me, or that I am a bitch, or to leave her alone. All great things for me.

It is a very painful story and situation, but I am working hard to resolve my end of it. Yes, I made mistakes and yes I regret them. Sadly a lot of things came into play and I did not know how to deal with it. I have a very painful past and honestly it has colored how I see and do things. I have gotten help and now I am able to work with it and I am okay. Now comes the hard part healing others that have been hurt by me.

I love that she is choosing to share these things with me and hopefully it continues. I don’t deserve it but I will take it! I am trying day by day. Well, I am going to run.

-Ciao!

No Sleep Till…. I Fall Over!

It has been said in many medical and psychological journals that the lack of sleep changes your brain. Since I actually hold a degree in psychology, I am here to say it is true. Your body needs a certain amount of sleep to function, but it will adapt over time to less sleep. I know this because I also suffer from insomnia as well. When you try to explain to people about insomnia, the kind that I have suffered from for years, the look at you like you are mad! Maybe in some way I am, but there was a time in my life that I worked 3rd shift at a convenience store, came home, got the kids ready for school, cleaned up the house and made sure dinner was planned. By this time, it was usually 11am or noon and then I laid down for a nap, about three hours before the kids came back through the door from school and we had to get snacks and homework. Once that was completed, dinner needed to be started and then the ex came home from work. Finishing homework and baths after dinner, then the bed time ritual started. It was 9pm at this point and I had to start getting ready for work at 10pm.  The summer was infinitely more complicated because the kids were home and I was still working.  Although after the first day of trying to work all night and be up for the kids all day I did go to my boss and explain my situation. 

He was understanding up to a point. So I agreed to work Friday night and Saturday night as well as delivery night, which was Wednesday. I had recently trained someone for my shift so that he could take my regular days off during a normal week, so it was a good thing. He had mentioned that he needed the hours and I needed fewer hours. My boss, decided to make me the Lead Customer Service Associate for our store, which came with a small raise in pay. Then he proceeded to teach me how to do the bank deposits for Friday and Saturday. So I was getting almost my normal amount of hours and I would not lose a lot of my paycheck which we needed. 

It was a hard time coupled with my ex and I were not getting along at all. Not sleeping and honestly fighting with him over stupid stuff took its toll. I left shortly after that. These days my life is not that crazy, but I am still suffering from insomnia and on a day like today I feel like I went through all that again. I am exhausted. I look like I have not slept in days. I try to keep as much stress out of my life as possible but these days it is not that easy. So here is to good sleep and may we all get some very soon! 

-Ciao!

Hello Stranger

To say that I am a stranger to even myself would not be far off in the realms of possibility. For the most part, I am just getting to know myself and learning what all that entails. Life for me, was usually wrapped up in other people’s messes. When I was a kid, my mother was a drama queen. Not just a drama queen but a DRAMA QUEEN. She was not happy unless her world was swirling with some kind of unhappiness, possible issue, just DRAMA and all it entails. It drove me crazy, she was always unhappy about something or someone had dissed her in some way that only she saw. Growing up with this in my life made me realize that I wanted something more. As I grew up, I saw myself becoming just like her and for a while I thrived on it. Yes THRIVED on the messes and the anger and the hatred.

One day I realized that I did not want to live like that anymore and I started a life long journey to be as different from that person as I could be. It was not easy and I have made my share of mistakes. You know the ones, bad choices in friends, men, jobs, etc… A friend of mine once told me that if there was an alpha loser within five square miles of me, he would find me, we would fall in love, and have the usual stormy, angry, violent relationship that ensues when you have a man like that in your life. Yeah, I was that girl.

These days, things are so drastically different in my life that sometimes I feel like I am dreaming and I have to pinch myself to make sure it is all real. I am now living in beautiful Kentucky with the man of my dreams and my best friend. They are one in the same person these days. He is always there for me even on my worst days, and let me tell you that there have been some BAD days here. I am really and truly in love for the first time in my life. He is the kind of man who I always have dreamed of having in my life and glad he is finally here.

We don’t always agree but we work through it and lately we have gotten through some pretty tough times together. He was and is there for me no matter what and I am there for him. For all purposes here, when I refer to him I will call him Army Boy, because well he served nine long years in the Active Duty Army and is now in the Army National Guard where we live. He is my best friend and I do tell him everything. Without him, life would be boring!

Well, I think that is enough for this first entry.. Thanks for listening to me ramble on.

-Ciao!