To say that I am a stranger to even myself would not be far off in the realms of possibility. For the most part, I am just getting to know myself and learning what all that entails. Life for me, was usually wrapped up in other people’s messes. When I was a kid, my mother was a drama queen. Not just a drama queen but a DRAMA QUEEN. She was not happy unless her world was swirling with some kind of unhappiness, possible issue, just DRAMA and all it entails. It drove me crazy, she was always unhappy about something or someone had dissed her in some way that only she saw. Growing up with this in my life made me realize that I wanted something more. As I grew up, I saw myself becoming just like her and for a while I thrived on it. Yes THRIVED on the messes and the anger and the hatred.
One day I realized that I did not want to live like that anymore and I started a life long journey to be as different from that person as I could be. It was not easy and I have made my share of mistakes. You know the ones, bad choices in friends, men, jobs, etc… A friend of mine once told me that if there was an alpha loser within five square miles of me, he would find me, we would fall in love, and have the usual stormy, angry, violent relationship that ensues when you have a man like that in your life. Yeah, I was that girl.
These days, things are so drastically different in my life that sometimes I feel like I am dreaming and I have to pinch myself to make sure it is all real. I am now living in beautiful Kentucky with the man of my dreams and my best friend. They are one in the same person these days. He is always there for me even on my worst days, and let me tell you that there have been some BAD days here. I am really and truly in love for the first time in my life. He is the kind of man who I always have dreamed of having in my life and glad he is finally here.
We don’t always agree but we work through it and lately we have gotten through some pretty tough times together. He was and is there for me no matter what and I am there for him. For all purposes here, when I refer to him I will call him Army Boy, because well he served nine long years in the Active Duty Army and is now in the Army National Guard where we live. He is my best friend and I do tell him everything. Without him, life would be boring!
Well, I think that is enough for this first entry.. Thanks for listening to me ramble on.