Labels..

I am honestly not sure why as humans we feel the need to label every single thing. Oh, wait yes, I do. We do it so that we can feel safe and happy. We label things so that we can put them in those little boxes we all have and then once things have a label, they will never be able to change. I feel like this is done with people as well. I try hard to keep an open mind and not judge or label. It is human nature to want to do so. ( Trust me, there are a lot of psychological studies on this and I had to read many).

I guess the reason I am so against labeling things and people is because it was done to me and then no matter how I changed, those labels never did.. People used them to define me and put me in their little boxes and when I had enough, I left. Yep. Up and left. No telling anyone anything. *Poof* Elvis has left the building, ya’all.

While that was most likely an overly dramatic way to make my point, it felt good. Starting over with what I could basically fit in the car. Bringing important things with me and leaving stuff that was no longer me behind. The further away I got the freer I felt. Now, honestly, I do not recommend picking up and leaving every time something is not 100% right because life is a process, much like therapy, you have to put the work in to get good stuff out.

For me, back then, there was no choice. I had enough. No one was letting me out of my box to grow (that includes my own mother). I wanted to go to school and people told me that I could not make it. Well, they were wrong. I have degrees. Well, 1 and 1/2 of them. The fact that those people never wanted to help me and always called me when they needed help because they knew I would be there, that showed me that I was right, it was time to go.

Sometimes, life is about change. Changing your friends, changing jobs, houses, schools, etc… Other times it about changing your life. Back then, my life needed changing. I did not like who I was becoming and the only way to fix that was to get away from those who I was becoming.

It did me a world of good, but because I was in hurry to make my great escape, I failed to see what I was getting into. Nothing horribly bad, but a relationship that went no where for a very long time because I had no place to go and he did not want to be alone. My life is now great, I have a beautiful son. A husband who loves me dearly. Life is good! Don’t get me wrong, we have hard times and easy times.. but right now, is the best my life has been. I am truly happy and not trying to convince myself everything is okay. I am content for the first time in my life. Not looking for the next best thing.

I am still trying to understand why we label every little thing in this life, but for now I am just going to say because it is what we as humans do. Sad explanation, I know. Just as a disclaimer, not every one labels or judges, I for one do not.

-Ciao!

Why I Feel Parenting is a Lost Art

First of all, let me say up front that these are my opinions and I am sure I will get attacked for them such as they are. Secondly, please read this with an open mind and think about the things I talk about here before you openly attack me. 

So, last week the internet was set on fire by the mother that went down to the riots and basically had a ‘Come to Jesus Meeting’ with her son in front of the press, other rioters, God, and everybody. She was and still is being hailed a hero. I have to admit, I am one of those in that camp. Let me explain why before you get the matches and gasoline out to set me a blaze. First of all, her son is 16, he clearly should know better than to be in that mess, let alone wearing a mask and picking up a brick to throw at the cops. Secondly, if you have seen any interview she has given and let me tell you she has been everywhere! She said she saw her son on TV with a brick in his hand and she ‘lost it’. And thirdly and most telling to me, she said she did not want her son to become a Freddie Grey. So, she went down there, got his attention, and removed him from a situation that could have ended his life in more than one way. If that had been my only son, I would have most likely done the same exact thing! The first thing I thought when I saw the videos of her was that is what parenting looks like! I know that is what it looked like in my day had I done something like her son did.

These days, we do not teach our kids important things anymore. Things such as sportsmanship and losing gracefully because we no longer score our kids athletic games because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings if they happen to lose the game. I was a cheerleader for flag football when I was in elementary school, back when we actually kept score. If our team lost we had to still go out on the field and shake hands and say good game. Yeah it sucks when you lose, no one likes it. It also makes you work harder to win next time. We had cheer competitions at the end of the season,where all the cheer leading teams worked on two routines to perform. Let me tell you, we worked our butts off perfecting those! The first year I did this, we lost. We were not even in the top 5. Yeah that hurt and yeah I cried, but I also worked harder in the off season and all during the next year and the result was we won that next year because we worked harder. Because losing sucks.

We also have parents who want to be their kids’ friends and not the parent. I am sorry but this rarely works. You need to discipline your kid if they do wrong, not be their friend. I am not saying that the discipline needs to be physical such as spanking or what not, it just needs to be done. What ever works for you and your kid. Here is my issue within this area, I hate it when people come down on someone because they still believe in spanking. Here is the thing, the kids are different and it might work for you to talk to little Johnny about what he did wrong and he may never do that again. Good for you. That may not work for someone else and their kid. It is not fair to criticize parents for how they decide to discipline their kid. Now if it is over the top and that kid constantly has bruises and such then yeah that is something else, but because you see a mom spank her kid who is throwing a fit in the grocery store parking lot does not mean that you need to call the authorities on that mom. You have no idea what that mom’s life is like or what the situation is other than what you saw. Back to being your kid’s friend. You can be your kid’s friend when they grow up and realize what you went through with them, but for the time being please be a parent.

I am not sure about you, but when I go to a public place like a restaurant or even the WIC office and I see kids running wild around the parents are busy talking or with their faces in their phones, I sometimes want to ask them what is wrong with you? Do you not see your kid running wild in a place where they should be sitting or even playing quietly? Yeah, I have kids before you ask. I have a son that is 20 and a daughter that is 17 and now a 1 year old. So before you start saying, you have no idea what you are talking about, yeah I do. My kids were never allowed to run wild someplace unless it was a park. In fact, I have had people stop by our table when out to eat complimenting me on my kids’ behavior and in one case this elderly gentleman gave both my kids a dollar each for behaving! He said to me, it is rare to see kids so well behaved, thank you. I was honestly shocked and very pleased! So, I know it can be done. Parents have to put down the phones and other electronics first and watch their kids. I am not by any means a perfect parent. I don’t think that there is such a thing. We all have our trials and issues.

Entitlement. This gets me every single time. Kids these days think they are entitled to everything without working for it. That is what makes brats and bullies. When parents do everything for their kids, their kids feel like they don’t have to do anything. We are sending a whole generation of people into the world who have no clue how to do anything for themselves. Mom and dad always did it. Gotta find a job? No problem mom will fill out the application or write the resume and go to the job interview with you. I have a friend who is a head hunter for a major company and he tells  me stories of applicants who come to interviews with their moms. Mom actually sits in and will answer questions! To me that is so sad. In the job arena is where the no score thing will come back to bite us in the butt because not everyone will get a job, so how will that kid handle it? He can’t he has no idea how to handle not getting what he wants.

This is only the tip of the ice burg but my own little pride and joy is calling me so I gotta run and be a parent!

-Ciao!