I’m Happy for You {Sort Of… Not Really} – A Book Review

I have read the most amazing, life changing book recently and I can hardly wait to share this with you! The book is called I’m Happy for You {Sort Of… Not really} , it deals with finding contentment in a time of comparison. I have a question for my readers, how many of you find yourself comparing yourself or even your kids to family, friends, or even strangers on the street? I am willing to bet that it is quite a few of you and in most cases you do not even realize you are doing it! Seriously. I have found myself on Face book doing the same thing and when I get done, I usually feel so much worse than when I started! That is what this book talks about. How we do it and how we can actually stop doing it. The author is Kay Wills Wyma and she is a mom and wife with a really easy way of stopping the comparison disease. Yes, I called it a disease because it really has become an issue around the world. I am sure if you ask your friends and family about comparison you will find that many of them feel like it is a problem, especially among teens and young people. It can be very dangerous and it can also be used for good as well. You can find Kay on Facebook here and on Twitter here. The best part about her is that she is a blogger, not some psychological person who will talk down to you.  She has had an amazing life with all kinds of cool jobs before becoming a mom of 5 kids.

I was so intrigued by this book that I read most of it in one day and I love it! In fact, I have a few people who I think should read this book ASAP! I wish I had some to pass out to those people so they can see what I have learned and how easy it is to get on the path of not comparing yourself to anyone! It is a hard habit to break, don’t let me fool you, but I have been doing some of the things she suggests like when people have good news to share with you about their lives and you get stuck in the brain freeze of comparison, to just say “I am happy for you”. At first, you might not mean it, but the more you say it, the more you will realize that you do mean it!

So, here is what I want you guys to do, go get this book in what ever format you want and read it! Then re read it! take something away from it each time and put it into practice. I bet your life will get better and you will be able to deal with all the comparisons out there in a way that makes you happy.

 

I received this book from Blogging for Book for the sole purpose of this review.

Labels..

I am honestly not sure why as humans we feel the need to label every single thing. Oh, wait yes, I do. We do it so that we can feel safe and happy. We label things so that we can put them in those little boxes we all have and then once things have a label, they will never be able to change. I feel like this is done with people as well. I try hard to keep an open mind and not judge or label. It is human nature to want to do so. ( Trust me, there are a lot of psychological studies on this and I had to read many).

I guess the reason I am so against labeling things and people is because it was done to me and then no matter how I changed, those labels never did.. People used them to define me and put me in their little boxes and when I had enough, I left. Yep. Up and left. No telling anyone anything. *Poof* Elvis has left the building, ya’all.

While that was most likely an overly dramatic way to make my point, it felt good. Starting over with what I could basically fit in the car. Bringing important things with me and leaving stuff that was no longer me behind. The further away I got the freer I felt. Now, honestly, I do not recommend picking up and leaving every time something is not 100% right because life is a process, much like therapy, you have to put the work in to get good stuff out.

For me, back then, there was no choice. I had enough. No one was letting me out of my box to grow (that includes my own mother). I wanted to go to school and people told me that I could not make it. Well, they were wrong. I have degrees. Well, 1 and 1/2 of them. The fact that those people never wanted to help me and always called me when they needed help because they knew I would be there, that showed me that I was right, it was time to go.

Sometimes, life is about change. Changing your friends, changing jobs, houses, schools, etc… Other times it about changing your life. Back then, my life needed changing. I did not like who I was becoming and the only way to fix that was to get away from those who I was becoming.

It did me a world of good, but because I was in hurry to make my great escape, I failed to see what I was getting into. Nothing horribly bad, but a relationship that went no where for a very long time because I had no place to go and he did not want to be alone. My life is now great, I have a beautiful son. A husband who loves me dearly. Life is good! Don’t get me wrong, we have hard times and easy times.. but right now, is the best my life has been. I am truly happy and not trying to convince myself everything is okay. I am content for the first time in my life. Not looking for the next best thing.

I am still trying to understand why we label every little thing in this life, but for now I am just going to say because it is what we as humans do. Sad explanation, I know. Just as a disclaimer, not every one labels or judges, I for one do not.

-Ciao!

Why I Feel Parenting is a Lost Art

First of all, let me say up front that these are my opinions and I am sure I will get attacked for them such as they are. Secondly, please read this with an open mind and think about the things I talk about here before you openly attack me. 

So, last week the internet was set on fire by the mother that went down to the riots and basically had a ‘Come to Jesus Meeting’ with her son in front of the press, other rioters, God, and everybody. She was and still is being hailed a hero. I have to admit, I am one of those in that camp. Let me explain why before you get the matches and gasoline out to set me a blaze. First of all, her son is 16, he clearly should know better than to be in that mess, let alone wearing a mask and picking up a brick to throw at the cops. Secondly, if you have seen any interview she has given and let me tell you she has been everywhere! She said she saw her son on TV with a brick in his hand and she ‘lost it’. And thirdly and most telling to me, she said she did not want her son to become a Freddie Grey. So, she went down there, got his attention, and removed him from a situation that could have ended his life in more than one way. If that had been my only son, I would have most likely done the same exact thing! The first thing I thought when I saw the videos of her was that is what parenting looks like! I know that is what it looked like in my day had I done something like her son did.

These days, we do not teach our kids important things anymore. Things such as sportsmanship and losing gracefully because we no longer score our kids athletic games because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings if they happen to lose the game. I was a cheerleader for flag football when I was in elementary school, back when we actually kept score. If our team lost we had to still go out on the field and shake hands and say good game. Yeah it sucks when you lose, no one likes it. It also makes you work harder to win next time. We had cheer competitions at the end of the season,where all the cheer leading teams worked on two routines to perform. Let me tell you, we worked our butts off perfecting those! The first year I did this, we lost. We were not even in the top 5. Yeah that hurt and yeah I cried, but I also worked harder in the off season and all during the next year and the result was we won that next year because we worked harder. Because losing sucks.

We also have parents who want to be their kids’ friends and not the parent. I am sorry but this rarely works. You need to discipline your kid if they do wrong, not be their friend. I am not saying that the discipline needs to be physical such as spanking or what not, it just needs to be done. What ever works for you and your kid. Here is my issue within this area, I hate it when people come down on someone because they still believe in spanking. Here is the thing, the kids are different and it might work for you to talk to little Johnny about what he did wrong and he may never do that again. Good for you. That may not work for someone else and their kid. It is not fair to criticize parents for how they decide to discipline their kid. Now if it is over the top and that kid constantly has bruises and such then yeah that is something else, but because you see a mom spank her kid who is throwing a fit in the grocery store parking lot does not mean that you need to call the authorities on that mom. You have no idea what that mom’s life is like or what the situation is other than what you saw. Back to being your kid’s friend. You can be your kid’s friend when they grow up and realize what you went through with them, but for the time being please be a parent.

I am not sure about you, but when I go to a public place like a restaurant or even the WIC office and I see kids running wild around the parents are busy talking or with their faces in their phones, I sometimes want to ask them what is wrong with you? Do you not see your kid running wild in a place where they should be sitting or even playing quietly? Yeah, I have kids before you ask. I have a son that is 20 and a daughter that is 17 and now a 1 year old. So before you start saying, you have no idea what you are talking about, yeah I do. My kids were never allowed to run wild someplace unless it was a park. In fact, I have had people stop by our table when out to eat complimenting me on my kids’ behavior and in one case this elderly gentleman gave both my kids a dollar each for behaving! He said to me, it is rare to see kids so well behaved, thank you. I was honestly shocked and very pleased! So, I know it can be done. Parents have to put down the phones and other electronics first and watch their kids. I am not by any means a perfect parent. I don’t think that there is such a thing. We all have our trials and issues.

Entitlement. This gets me every single time. Kids these days think they are entitled to everything without working for it. That is what makes brats and bullies. When parents do everything for their kids, their kids feel like they don’t have to do anything. We are sending a whole generation of people into the world who have no clue how to do anything for themselves. Mom and dad always did it. Gotta find a job? No problem mom will fill out the application or write the resume and go to the job interview with you. I have a friend who is a head hunter for a major company and he tells  me stories of applicants who come to interviews with their moms. Mom actually sits in and will answer questions! To me that is so sad. In the job arena is where the no score thing will come back to bite us in the butt because not everyone will get a job, so how will that kid handle it? He can’t he has no idea how to handle not getting what he wants.

This is only the tip of the ice burg but my own little pride and joy is calling me so I gotta run and be a parent!

-Ciao!

We Moved and the STORY

Okay we have safely moved and as I promised I will tell the story on how we got into that big mess in the first place. First of all let me be absolutely clear here, my hubby is an amazing man who works as much as possible so that I can stay home with our child and take care of him. Not to mention day care is insanely expensive and honestly I did it with my first 2 kids and regretted it. Anyway, back to the story… The place where we lived, I will call it the Bad Place had been taken over by another property management company a couple of years ago. I was willing to give them a chance because when they took over there were renovations going on and it was chaotic at best. Fast forward 2 years and it is still chaotic and there is ABSOLUTELY no communication between the office staff and the renter. Which is a bad thing.

We were late with the rent in February. We knew we would have to pay late fees and such and had accepted it. Hubby went to the office and talked to them about it. By the time he talked to them they had already FILED eviction papers with the court! Where we live there is a law that hurries evictions through in about 2 weeks. Yes, I know in other places (states and even other counties my state) they usually take 30 days or more, but not here. I looked into it. This was on Feb. 13th when we found out about this. They give us until the 6th to be late every month and since hubby gets paid every single week, we were hoping to have the rent. The reason for this happening is simple, We had to choose between rent and food. In my state we do not qualify for any kind of assistance, even though hubby is with National Guard.. This is honestly the first state I have ever lived in where we did not qualify for ANY kind of help at all. Food is expensive. Electricity is expensive. We had cut the electric bill as far down as we could unless we never had any thing on or plugged in except for the appliances. We were doing laundry once a week. No dishwasher. Making sure all the lights were not on if not being used. Shut computers totally off at night and flipping the switch on the power strip too.

Hubby makes a pretty decent check, but it was that pesky eating thing that was killing us! Not to mention in my state you HAVE to have renter’s insurance. Each property is different with amounts they want you to carry, but it is an extra expense. We did not have cable (got rid of it) changed Internet providers to a cheaper one. And yet here we were not able to pay rent. I am not exactly sure how that works. I know that with a child, it is even more expensive. Diapers, wipes, clothes… We get help from wonderful friends and family, but we have to bare some of the burden too. I get diapers online and they are so cheaper than in store, free shipping. My son is growing fast so clothes are essential for him.

We don’t have a car, so none of those expenses, but it is $30 a month for hubby’s bus pass. And if I need to go someplace then there is more bus fare or if God forbid the place is not on a bus line, a cab. Which is very expensive! It is hard living our life. We DO NOT go out. No movies, no dinners, no date night.. NOTHING. Yet, our relationship is strong and we are happy. Yeah I would LOVE to hire a babysitter and have an hour to do what I want, but it costs money. Since we moved we are paying less for rent, about $20 less for more space. April rent is free due to signing a long term lease in the new place. But back to the STORY.

We had to be in court on Feb 20th. Apparently, not communicating with people is a trend with the people who work at the Bad Place because they did not tell their lawyer some important facts, like we wanted to actually pay our rent, but because they had quickly filed papers, they quickly added $200 extra to the rent, so it went from about $800ish dollars with the late fees to being over $1000. No way we could afford that! Also forgot to mention the kid. Yep. The kid. They knew because when hubby would take him into the office to pay said rent, they would all oooo and ahhhh over him. They wanted us out on the 28th. We were asking for March 13th. We settled on March 6th by 5pm. If we were gone before that, then the Bad Place would not pursue the judgement against hubby and have to eat all $1000+ in rent and fees.

You bet your booty we were gone lock stock and barrel by the 4th. Cleaned it up on the 5th and returned the keys. Now honestly all the stress during all this made me feel worse than I had already. I was not sleeping and it was difficult to eat or even do anything. On the days we were moving out of the Bad Place, they decided to schedule the new appliance installations, but between a sign on the door and a conversation with the renovation team, they did not get in our way.. Yes, bad things happen to good families. I am grateful that a program helped us get the deposit together for the new place. I am grateful that I have such a wonderful hubby and I am grateful to my wonderfully amazing son as well..

I gotta run..

-Ciao!

Updates and Changes

Lately I have been using my hubby’s lap top because it is just so much faster than mine. I am loving being able to play games that I could never ever attempt on my own lap top. To be fair my lap top was bought when I was still in school so it is geared for that not playing games such as WoW. Going back to not using my own lap top, I have a writing program on mine from Microsoft that I love and it is not on hubby’s lap top because hubby does not blog. I went to write an entry the other day and looked all over the computer and could not find this program and of course I was about 2 seconds from freaking when I looked to my left and saw my lap top laying there. My brain of course gave a huge sigh of relief and the entry was forgotten. A lot has been going on here.

First of all we have been going through the eviction process, which included court. It is a pretty short story how we got there, but I do not feel like I can share the whole thing just yet. Once we are gone and moved, I will tell the whole ugly tale and when I do people will be shocked. If not, at least mad. Yeah, that bad. We are in the process of moving now. Packing. Ugh. I hate packing.

With an almost 1 year old child who has no idea what is happening except stuff is being put in boxes and he is afraid that we are leaving him so he is clingy more than usual. We are moving into a better and bigger place and I can not wait. Hubby goes and signs the lease tomorrow as well as faxing some paperwork for us to get help with the deposit. Hopefully that money comes in quick and we can move. We have to be gone from our current place by March 6th at 5 pm. So of course I am having horrible nightmares that will not be accomplished. I know I do have faith, but we are down to the wire here! Now we just need ‘bodies’ to help us move our stuff, but since we do not have a firm date yet it is hard to line that up. Ugh.

Life is crazy for us right now. I am tired because I am not sleeping well at all. So wish us luck and I will not be posting here most likely until we are in our new place and I will post pictures if I can find my elusive battery charger for my camera!

-Ciao!

The Big 4-0

Well, this should explain how my 40th birthday started. I woke up with a horrible migraine complete with nausea, dizziness, and light sensitivity. Not the best way to start my birthday. Sadly it did not get much better, but good things did happen around it. Like Michael’s parents called me this morning to wish me a happy birthday and tell me that my gift was in the mail.

Jeff woke me up by screeching in my face, which is not a good way to wake up with a migraine, but his sweet little smile after melted my heart and I could not be mad that he basically just screamed in my face as loud as he could. LOL.

He is growing up so fast! He is already pulling himself to his feet and trying to take steps. Sigh. I do miss that sweet little boy he was once. He is amazing and so loving. When he sees me he gets this big smile on his face and he screams in delight! How could I not love that??!?!

Today was spent with my boys here at the house just relaxing and in my case just trying to get rid of the headache. We are having steak for dinner. I was going to make cupcakes, but I don’t really think I can handle that right now, perhaps tomorrow.

Well, I need to go lay back down, thanks for all the birthday wishes!

-Ciao!

Decisions Made and Decisions Thought About

Life lately has been hectic for me. Not enough sleep, not eating well enough or even enough. I am tired almost every single day and now I am fighting off something. Ugh! I am not getting enough anything to actually make myself feel better. Taking my prenatal vitamins and drinking OJ everyday to try and kick what ever this is out. I am trying to deal with this like an adult, but honestly all I wanna do is pitch a fit and take a nap! Apparently being an adult is lost on me.

I feel like a total loser because hubby has worked like 69 hours already this pay period and I am so exhausted that I can’t even remember normal things like name, rank and serial number. I wanna beg him for one day that I can just sleep and not have any responsibilities, but I feel that would be so very unfair as he has worked all week as well. Sigh. No help near by either. His family is in California and mine, well, they are not speaking to me.

I am so sorry for my whiny tone, but I am sick. I am tired. If you were looking for a intelligent blog post, well, maybe tomorrow or the day after that. I have been thinking about homeschooling Jeff when he gets old enough to go to pre school (which is about 2 years old depending on the kid). I keep seeing and hearing about how horrible the school system is and honestly with my first son and all the learning issues he went through and all I went though to help him get the help he needed, I would just love to bypass all that garbage this time.

So, far all his family has been wonderful about our decision to do this. I do have a plan, mostly I will home school preschool and pre Kindergarten and if that works out well, then I will continue on. My goal is to never have to enroll him in public schools and honestly with all the horrible violence and crap going on in the school systems these days, this seems like the more safer and intelligent option. I am trying to be the best mom I can be and give my son the best education I can.

Life is sure different these days! Hubby may have to have surgery to reconstruct his ACL, okay not only reconstruct but actually add another one. He hurt himself nine years ago in the Active duty Army and they did NOTHING to fix it. So, now he has NO ACL. He has scar tissue where it is supposed to be. He has reinjured it multiple times and nothing was ever done until now. He will be fitted with an ACL brace and then the options will be given to him. Our best scenario plan is he has surgery and continues in the military. The other option is for him to be medically discharged.

We have money options for both to consider. So lots going on here! I have missed blogging but never have much time to actually sit down and write. I am trying to make time for me to do the things I love so I won’t go crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son, but honestly, I am still adjusting to this new life. Jeff is now 5 months old and progressing so very quickly! He is amazing every single day. It blows me away!

Well, I am going to run for now..

-Ciao!

Life is Grand

I have let this blog lay dormant for a while because I have been mommy blogging lately. Jeff is now four months old and progressing so very quickly! I honestly am not sure exactly where the time went! I came back here because honestly I did miss blogging for me and me alone. What I mean by that is I am not updating family with this blog, this is where I can write for me. I can say what I want. Don’t get me wrong, I love keeping Michael’s family updated on what is happening with pictures and words, but I miss just sitting down with my lap top and writing about what ever comes into my head. So, here I am today.

Today is Michael’s birthday and he is working. He finally found a job that gives him decent hours and pay. He works like 16-18 hours a day most days but I know he does it for us. If I were to put Jeff in daycare, then find a job, my paycheck would be eaten by daycare basically. So, right now, I am a Stay at Home Mom. Honestly, that is the hardest job I have ever had. Especially now.

Life is good right now and I am happy. I am still in constant pain every single day, but I am working on that. My doctor has told me if I lose approximately ten pounds that it would make a huge difference. So, I am struggling to lose weight again. If it does not help, then we move forward with more medical tests to find out what is going on with me. I am still so very tired, but now I have an infant to show for it and people seem to understand better why I am tired all the time.

Things between Michael and I were tested by his mother of all people earlier this week. She did not know that she was walking on thin ice, but we got through it and are better because of it. We talked about the issue at hand which had something to do with his ex-wife and we got through it with no problem. My relationship with Michael is so different than those before it, we actually communicate with each other. Take the time to talk about things and make sure that we are on the same page as it were. I tell him everything and don’t keep secrets, something that I have never done before. It is nice to be able to tell him everything.

Well, I gotta run, Jeff is playing my song!

-Ciao!

Big Changes

So, since Sunday my life has turned upside down! I can not believe that I now have a son. He is amazingly perfect and I have not really ever felt so bonded with a child in my life! I just look at him sometimes and I am amazed that he is mine. I have a second chance that I have wanted to prove that I am a good mom. Yeah, I made mistakes with my other kids and I know I will make mistakes with him, but I think I am more able to handle being a mom now than I was then.  I have more patience now and I have more experience under my belt as well. 

I have been back and forth to the doctor with him since we got him out of the hospital. I actually have to go back today at 3:15. He is jaundiced and had to stay an extra night to do light therapy. He still looks rather yellow and they did another blood test yesterday. The number was way under the light therapy limit, but up from when we left the hospital.

I am trying to breast feed him, but because I had to leave him in the hospital they supplemented with formula and gave him a pacifier. Which when you are trying to teach your baby to breast feed, they are not really supposed to have. So, now I am seeing a lactation nurse to help him to relearn to breast feed. Before he had to do light therapy he was breast feeding like a rock star!

To say that it is frustrating it an understatement. I am going to work on it. My soon to be in-laws are amazing! They are so wonderful and have sent so much to Jeff already. Tonight we are supposed to Skype with them so they can see him. They live in California, so it is not like they are close. Hopefully the doctor appointment goes well today. I am so tired of going there already!

I have my own appointment next month to get checked out. He was born breach, so that was hard on mom’s body. Michael was here when he was born as he was in a hurry to get here and was born at home! No drugs! So I feel after that, I can do anything… Well, I need to run..

-Ciao

Lots Been Happening

I have not been around lately because well, let’s face it, life has a way of happening and screwing up the best laid plans. There is something that I heard that has always rang true for me and that is “Man plans, God laughs”. If that is true, then I must have been truly hilarious lately. An update on the issues with the construction stuff going on, the roofing company has said that they are not responsible for the over $1,000 electric bill we are looking at now with all the late fees and charges. I am inclined to believe them because they were only here for a week or so. The siding company however, is another story altogether. Apparently they have been plugging into vacant apartments and running up $100 bills there. Of course they are denying that they are doing it. Seriously. Now, they are saying that the meters for the electric company must be wrong. So the property management company for this place had a tech come out this morning to look at the meters to make sure they are okay. In any case, if the meters are damaged, it is their fault because they have been around pulling siding off and replacing it. They messed up the outside socket for the electric for this apartment and they messed up the light right outside the front door too. Need I say more?

Personally, I think that they are just trying to get out of paying the bill that they created. I am waiting to hear what the outcome of the meter inspection is as of now. I am contemplating complaining about this company to the local BBB. I want people to know what kind of company these people are. I am tired of dealing with this and I am so over it!!

Other than that, it has been pretty good here except that we both were sick. That was a trial, but better now finally. We had some issues with money because of all the electric bill issues. They are back under control now and thanks to Army Boy’s parents who helped us a great deal, it is all taken care of. Which makes me happy. All of this crap has made my PTSD worst and honestly I was not on FB or really even talking to anyone much. I had nothing to say. It was hard getting through all that.

Army Boy has gotten me back into WoW (World of War craft) So, I have been there playing a lot lately. It is nice to take out my frustration on things to kill in the game. I am sleeping better some days. Which is helpful. Well, I am going to run.

-Ciao!