What Life Would Be Like

If I had no struggles. I have been so busy lately with Army Boy getting a job and everything here at home falling on my shoulders, Thanksgiving, and now the ensuing craziness that is the mad dash for Christmas. I have been struggling a lot lately and not wanting to ask for help because I felt that I could handle it if I just did more.

Sadly, I forgot my reality with my heath issues. Thanksgiving was a wonderful meal that put me down for two days easily. Since Army Boy has started working I have felt bad about asking him for help because he is working a full time job and is always so tired. I feel guilty not being able to handle all the stuff here at the house. I have had a couple of bad migraines here lately complete with vomiting and dizziness, so you know they were BAD. I am struggling to be a good wife and yes, I feel horribly guilty about it too.

All of this guilt of course is kicking the PTSD into action as well, so I battle that and try to not let it show. I am constantly tired and the other night I had just enough energy to actually wash my hair but nothing else for the rest of the night. You would think I would be used to all this by now, but it is a daily struggle for me. I hate this reality.  I hate not being able to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen so when Army Boy comes home everything is clean and nice.

He does help me a lot and I feel incredibly guilty over that too. I know I should not, but I do. I feel as if I am not enough. With Christmas on the horizon, I know that if I am not careful I will be down for days afterwards. I want Christmas dinner to be good and special. Since it is just the two of us, it is not difficult to make that happen, but health wise for me, it will be a challenge.  I know I will ignore the symptoms of having done too much just like I did on Thanksgiving and do it anyway.

In this case, I feel like it will be worth it. Maybe not through because afterwards I will be useless for a couple of days and the guilt will start creeping back in and make me try to do more than I should again. It is a really vicious circle for me. So, here is to not over doing it! I am going to run, I am getting tired and need to lay down again.

-Ciao!

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2 thoughts on “What Life Would Be Like

  1. Hello again. You’re reality is a tough one for sure, but KUDOS to you, kiddo. You’re doing great. I just hope that down the way you can do away with that guilty thing. It took me years to get rid of it but when I did…life was so much greater, so much more fun. You’re doing your best. Just remember that our best IS ALWAYS good enough. Hope today (today being December the 8th), a good one.

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