Lately I have been trying to settle into my new reality. It has been more difficult that I would or could have ever imagined. I am taking things one day at a time, or rather one hour at a time since I never know what will happen one hour till the next. Yesterday I was clothed in a long sleeved shirt, long pants, and socks… All day. Inside my house. Where the temperature is controllable. Had anyone walked into the house they would have found the inside temperature to be comfortable and normal. I do not have my air set at 50 degrees thank you very much. Although, honestly that is what it felt like to me. Army Boy asked if I wanted him to turn the air up so it would be warmer, I really wanted to say YES, but it would have not been fair to him because it was a normal temperature inside already and since he tends to be on the hot side already, I said no and put more clothes on.
I feel like my body is rebelling against me at every turn these days. This is my new reality. The fact that I have to decide between doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen or having enough energy to actually shower in a day is frustrating to me to say the very least. I am so very tired all the time. I need naps almost every single day. I know people who would say they would love to take a nap, but it gets so bad that I can’t even keep my eyes open sometimes and I have no choice in the matter anymore.
I am working very hard to not get frustrated with myself these days, to go with the flow as it were. I fail at that all the time lately. I just have to learn to breathe and let it go. Something that I am not really all that good at yet. I keep fighting, every hour, every day, all the time. I can not give up.
Don’t get me wrong, there is good news in my life. Army Boy and I found out it will only cost about $35 for a marriage certificate here where we live. A lot less than I thought it would be. So, this is totally do able for us and maybe soon I might have some major news to share!
So, for now, I am off to just do what I do and maybe a nap in a bit.